A Near-Sighted Guide to Mornings

A glasses-wearer since age 10 and contact lens devotee since 13, a blurry world and being practically blind is just part of my normal existence.

And I am not one of those people who just need corrective vision assistance to read small text… nope, I am one of those lucky few who is pretty much blind as a bat. Extremely near-sighted, anything further away than about half an inch from my eyeballs goes all impressionist on me.

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If it was the stone age, I would have mistaken a saber-tooth for a stone a loooooong time ago and Darwin’s law would have done away with me. I do know this.

They don’t normally carry sample contacts in stock for my number. Like a size fourteen shoe or a 30H bra, I am typically a special order.  I have a unicorn prescription… you know, the kind of occurrence that makes optometrists call all their optometrist friends over to gape at the freak… “I had HEARD of one this big, but never thought to see it in person!”

My last optometrist also told me that I had very good looking eyeballs for such terrible vision. (Yeah, I thought that was a bit odd too.)

Whether or not you have as “special” of a prescription as me, any near-sighted person can probably relate to my morning routine. It goes a bit as follows:

1. Wake up, See this.  Good Morning, Blurry World!!

via: flickr
via: flickr

2. Do the find-your-glasses-on-the-nightstand pat down. (which feels a bit like this987002

3. Pray you don’t miss and hear them fall on the floor because then this:tumblr_lrwut5P8MG1qbtwar

4. Vision at 50% (Because glasses are expensive and always a prescription or two old…)

via: gifs.tumblr.com
via: gifs.tumblr.com

5. Shower = Remove Glasses = All is blurry again.

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6. Showering is a Game of Chance: There is the guarantee that you will always miss a spot when shaving your legs and the Russian Roulette of shampoo or conditioner.

do512blog

7. Get out of shower… glasses are fogged up. (Foggy + Blurry does not count as a double negative, counteracting each other to fix my vision. Which is kinda too bad.)

via: blog.mihirpathare.com
via: blog.mihirpathare.com

8. Finally put in contacts…

via: funnymama.com
via: funnymama.com

9. and SEE EVERYTHING!!! AMAZING!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

10. Repeat daily.

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