Go home muffin, you are drunk.

So I am pretty sure I almost ate a cupcake for breakfast yesterday.

It wasn’t on purpose, I swear. My coworker brought in a whole container of assorted muffins for the office; lemon poppy seed, blueberry, apple cinnamon… you know, your usual muffin suspects. I like muffins as a breakfast item, as I find them usually just the right size, vaguely nutritious, often providing fruit as well as grains for a well rounded snack. You can justify it as a healthy choice much easier than say with a doughnut or pastry.

However, somewhere between the bran and oats, I stumbled upon a muffin that looked a bit like this:


Correct me if I am wrong, but that sure appears to be a cupcake to me.

I was informed that even though it was chocolate flavored WITH SPRINKLES ON TOP, it was in fact not a cupcake. Because there is no frosting. Really, is frosting is the thin (delicious) line separating an acceptable breakfast item from straight-up dessert? That seems to be an awfully dubious distinction to me. What’s next, cheesecake with an oatmeal crust served next to your eggs and bacon? (Actually, that kinda sounds amazing)

Breakfast has always been problematic enough without this added cupcake/muffin confusion:

  1. I am not an egg person. It’s a texture thing with the yolk. Kinda a big part of breakfast.
  2. Most egg-less options are steeped in sugar like a crepe, Belgian waffles, or something you cover in syrup. And for some reason, I just do not want sweetness first thing in the morning.
  3. Turns out that most healthy options that I used to be willing to eat are terrible for me. My old stand-by bagel might be just as bad or worse than a doughnut. Ugh. And sad face.
  4. It’s hard to make yourself eat unappealing cuisine when your stomach is still asleep. As much as I KNOW it’s good for my body and such, I am just not very hungry first thing after waking up.

In an effort to be a more healthy person, I have been slowly coming around to breakfast. Plain cheerios (never the cloying sweetness of honey nut, thankyouverymuch) with milk was doable. Then I mixed up my routine with Greek yogurt and fruit. Recently getting into quiche and egg white omletes, I began to think I might have been missing out for years.


But chocolate? And sprinkles? On a muffin?  Seriously breakfast, I need some boundaries.  In my mind, breakfast is for the savory, dessert is for the sweet.  Maybe it’s an underlying character flaw, but I just don’t feel great about consuming sprinkles before 11 am.  It’s too much sugar, too many bright colors, and it’s just too darn sweet.  Breakfast, it’s not you, it’s me. Maybe I am just not quite ready for such a complex muffin/cupcake hybrid in my life. I am still in the beginners category for breaking my nightly fast after all…. you may be too advanced for my simple palate.

Now if that same muffin came my way at, say, 3pm?

Then game on muffin… game on.

One thought on “Go home muffin, you are drunk.

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