Match.com, You Confound Me.

Wink.  Like Photo.  Favorite.  Instant Message.  Email Message.

These are my options for making some sort of contact with another individual on Match.com, as far as I can tell in about a week of trying out this particular online dating venue. I got back in the saddle just to be thrown off by terminology.

So in this first week of navigating Match, I have emailed/replied, ignored an alarming number of winkyface-hey emails, and have a first date set up for next week. (That I am rather “meh” about, but that’s another tale.) I have also received a fair number of winks, likes, favorite-ing and IM requests.

I am not sure if there are too many types of contact options or too few. I don’t know what any of them really mean or how I am supposed to feel when they happen.  I am confused. I just don’t get it.

So I have made a list documenting my best understanding of these different communication methods and corresponding thoughts on them.

Just for you.

ecards

(Note: Please please educate me on the actual, urban-dictionary and real world tested and approved meanings. I need me some learning, STAT.)

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

1. The Wink

My Interpretation: I guess you find me attractive, but not interesting enough to actually contact. Or you are too intimidated WITHIN THE FREEDOM OF ONLINE DATING that you aren’t man enough to do more than wink.

My Confusion: If you think I am attractive, why don’t you just send me an email? Am I supposed to wink back? Is this elementary school and next up you are going to punch me in the shoulder and run away?

My Reaction: I do nothing.

Via: prettyorganized.com
Via: prettyorganized.com

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

2. The Photo Like

My Interpretation: So you think it is cool that I went hiking/snorkeling or have a face and took a picture of it. That’s great. And that’s clearly all. I find this pointless.

My Confusion: If you think I am interesting, why don’t you just send me an email? Is this FB now and I am in some secret contest for the most likes on my profile? Is the etiquette to email you saying “thanks for liking my face“?

My Reaction: I do nothing.

Via: verbositybookreviews. wordpress.com
Via: verbositybookreviews. wordpress.com

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

3. The Favorite-ing

My Interpretation:  You must be in love with me and/or a crazy person. Because without ever interacting with me in any way, you have designated me a favorite. I don’t know what this one means AT ALL.

My Confusion: If you think I am one of the favorite people you have seen on this site, why don’t you just send me an email? Am I meant to swoon over the fact that you designated me as such based on a handful of photos and a sentence declaring my sense of humor is bubbly/sarcastic?

My Reaction: I do nothing.

Via ellokelsey.wordpress.com
Via ellokelsey.wordpress.com

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

4. The Instant Message

My Interpretation:  You are willing to spend more than 30 minutes hanging at this dating website and probably don’t have anything else going on. You want to talk to me RIGHT NOW because I am conveniently in front of you and you may or may not be drunk / looking for sexy talk.

My Confusion:  If you really want to chat, why don’t you just send me an email? That easy back and forth of instant communication is, to me, saved for someone that I know well. Like friends, families, or someone I have met IRL. Do you really think I am on a dating website to small talk with a rando about “wasn’t it nice out this weekend“?

My Reaction: I do nothing.

Via: giphy.com
Via: giphy.com

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

5a. The Email Message (Generic)

My Interpretation:  You have sent this same, one-to-three word message (proper pronunciation and grammar usually lacking) to 300 profiles in the last 30 minutes. You are clearly playing a numbers game and hope that somehow your “hey beautiful 😉” hooks me in a low moment. You certainly didn’t read my profile, just saw that I was female and hit send.

My Confusion:  If you wanted to have a chance with me, why did you just send me this email? Do you not know how conversations work? You have to ask or say something. Content, guys, content is necessary otherwise you are just wasting bandwidth. And my time. And reflecting poorly on your whole gender.

My Reaction: I do nothing.

Via: fishofgold.net
Via: fishofgold.net

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

5b. The Email Message (Specific)

My Interpretation:  You read at least a sentence or two of my profile or looked at more than one picture. You have therefore made a sort of specific conversation starter related to something that I have put out there. You may actually have interest in me as a human being.

My Confusion:  Wait. I don’t think I am confused. This one I am okay with.

My Reaction: I will most likely email back. Assuming I find you vaguely attractive. And that you sound like someone I actually want to talk to.  And you didn’t ignore major deal breakers that I listen in my preferences. And that your profile isn’t offensive or reads as if a child penned it. And you aren’t wearing a fedora.

Via: failblog.cheezburger.com
Via: failblog.cheezburger.com

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

I have tried a couple other online dating type things and have never been so overwhelmed by all the different options within the system.

Afterall, Eharmony scripted your entire communication and OKCupid seemed to have a message as the default. (As far as I ever noticed in the couple of weeks or so that I was on there.) Tinder is also messaging-based and the two speed dating places I tried gave you email addresses of your mutual matches.

You see someone you like – you send them a email or email type communication. Simple, right?

_ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _

Well I guess I have met my match with Match.

(Pause for groan over terrible, terrible pun)

Was there an Official Phrasebook for Match.Com that I didn’t pick up?

Is there an “Idiot’s Guide” to this whole thing?

Will Google Translate help?

Is there someone I am supposed to wink or like or favorite or IM or email to get clarity?

Or am I just a moron?

I don’t think online dating should be this complicated or confusing.

I am lost.

Please help.

(winkyface)

Via: teen.com
Via: teen.com
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7 thoughts on “Match.com, You Confound Me.

  1. Before a friend found the guy she’s gonna be marrying in a couple months, I had always assumed that those sites were for pervert sexy time things. Through that lens, I would guess that everything short of direct contact with best attempts at real, candid communication is just some coded terminology for different sex acts. I could try to get more specific on that theory, but I’m sure neither of us want that.

  2. So you dove in huh? I tried match.com for like a minute. Back in 2007. So I’m not much help. Things have evolved and changed so much online it really is too much. You have some pretty good thoughts on the winks, IM’s and Emails though. I think you will do just fine. Have fun with it and don’t drive yourself nuts! Most of those guys will just end up ignored anyway, you just got to weed them out.

  3. I think your strategy is about right. I think the key to resolving your confusion is (as is so often the case) to see who profits. I also have some extra data points. You see, I get quite a few “favorites” from attractive young ladies. “Young” as in 30 years younger than me. Most of them from several hundred miles away. They are not credible.

    It’s in the site’s best interest to attract singles, then keep them single but interested as long as possible. All those winks and “favorites” take no real thought. You suggest they come from thoughtless guys. I suggest they come instead from bots.

    For all I know, maybe some of those profiles are fake too. This is more serious. As you say, you can just ignore the winks. But how much time should I devote to studying a profile while composing an email? And how long should I wait for a reply? Maybe they’re not interested. Or maybe there is nobody there.

    So I would add one thing to your strategy: If you do get an email, then send a reply, even if it’s just “no, thank you”.

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