I’ve been a bridesmaid seven times. (And lost track of how many weddings I’ve attended.) Probably not that impressive of a number ever since hitting my 30’s, but it is enough times to make me feel like a smidgen of a pro with this whole wedding thing.
I’ve stood up next to friends at formal religious ceremonies and fun casual outdoor events. I’ve been one of a few or one in a pack. I’ve been matching, coordinating, or wear-what-you-want. I’ve had experts make me pretty head-to-toe and I’ve diy’ed my whole makeup-hair look entirely. I’m nowhere near 27 Dresses, but I feel old hat at the whole “member of the wedding party” gig.
Being a bridesmaid is pretty spectacular. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s really fun. My feelings may stem from the fact that I’ve mostly worn super cute dresses and have not dealt with any true bridezillas. I’ve never lived in the same state as the wedding venue / couple who have wanted me in their ceremony, which means as far as wedding party duties I’ve mostly gotten to partake in the super fun ones and have been left out of the day-to-day stresses.
All the glory, none of the blood, sweat and tears.
To try and balance out my wedding-involvement karma, plus to fulfill my love of Pinterest and anything crafty, I’ve happily taken on some of these duties for local friends with long-distance wedding parties. With everything in life, I feel like it evens out. And I genuinely enjoy helping. I may have even forced my help upon some people. If you say crafting and mention the possibility of wine… I just dare you to try and keep me from being there.
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But back to the point of being the bridesmaid, and never a maid of honor. (This is what happens when I don’t write in a while… I get meander-ey). There was a time in my younger life where my lack of top-bridesmaid honors made me a little sad. It made me concerned that I wasn’t anyone’s VERY BEST friend, at least not in the wedding-party pecking order.
Was this a failure on my part as a friend?
I did have a very best friend in high school. We were inseparable enough to get a feature in the yearbook mentioning that the only time we were apart was when a bathroom stall was between us. (I’m not joking.) I wouldn’t change a thing about high school. But I sometimes think I missed out of really developing other meaningful friendships by my friendship-monogamy. I didn’t take any other relationships with me after graduation.
I’m no longer an all or nothing kind-of-girl. I’m not one for extremes. I’m all about the greys, not the black and white. So it makes sense that I fall more into the grey area, the middle of the road (but not in a negative way) realm in friendship rating. I’m nobody’s absolute #1 friend in the world but I bet I’m also no ones #1 enemy either.
A little bit of quantity doesn’t necessarily negate quality, right?
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Without consciously realizing it, I’ve become poly-amorous in my friendships as I’ve grown older. I’ve developed a band of best-ish friends, who I truly love equally.
I’ve thought about my proverbial wedding from time to time and the fact that I would have a most impossible time picking “one maid to rule them all.” (Yes yes, I know marriage is nowhere on my horizon as a single lady currently avoiding anything dating-related, but with a marriage-packed summer wrapping up… a girl thinks about things, alright.)
I have my two sisters(in-law) who are family, who I didn’t get til later in life but true sisters none-the-less. I have my childhood bff who will always be in my life. I have my college best friend who might keep moving farther around the globe from me, but never away from my heart. I have my New York bestie, my Denver-Take-Two flock, my favorite male non-sexual-date… yeah, I am blessed with some pretty wonderful and amazing best-ish friends from all aspects of my life.
I no longer have one very-best-friend. I haven’t for a long time. I can’t imagine picking one over all the rest, to be frank. Maybe that makes me sound greedy or indecisive or fickle. Maybe it makes the relationships sound surface-level. But I would disagree. I would prefer to be known as inclusive.
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I honestly cannot foresee a time or situation where I would be a maid of honor.
This doesn’t make me sad anymore. I hope to have many, many more weddings to attend, many more opportunities to watch my friends, new and old, venture off into that mysterious adventure that is matrimony. Weddings are the best.
(And as much as I do adore being in a wedding party, sometimes its fun to have no pressure and just be a guest… focused on drinking and dancing, not dresses and details. Variety IS the spice of life.)
If that is experienced in matching dresses or from the crowd, I don’t care. Being in a wedding is an honor. Being a guest at a wedding is an honor. Someone asking you to witness and celebrate their love taking the next step is pretty humbling and awesome. Just knowing that people I care about got married, with or without me present, makes my heart happy. Period. End of story.
The celebration of love is a happily ever after in itself, in my opinion. Titles not required.