Sometimes I feel like I am floating along in life.
Not drifting and not aimless, though. No, I picked my river and hopped in my boat purposefully. But for now I am letting the current dictate my speed. I’m not paddling. I’m just here, watching the bank float by.
I feel like I’m standing still while others take purposeful strides. My friends are dating, starting businesses and remodeling homes. Facebook kindly reminds me of this, with engagements, wedding photos, new houses, new promotions, new babies; generally impressive announcements abound. People are actively engaging in life. People are making bold moves. People are grabbing life by the horn and showing it who is boss.
I’m meandering, watching butterflies.
I’m working hard, but not as hard as I could be. I’m maintaining friendships, but not making efforts to create new relationships. I’m doing things, keeping busy, keeping content. However, there’s a checklist living in my mind of things I want to do, want to accomplish, want to work towards. Things that take effort and gusto that I would usually leap into. But for this moment, I’m not picking up a pen.
And maybe that is okay. Maybe I should embrace this self-induced lull, this slower rate, this moment of relative quiet in my over-scheduled life. Maybe it’s needed. I might just warrant a little breather from my proactive, over-achiever tendencies.
I’m not ambivalent. I’m not unhappy. I’m just satisfied pacing myself with the river for this moment. I’m still looking ahead, planning my route and my destination. But I think I’ll proverbially “let Jesus drive” for a little while during these warm summer months. It’s too hot outside to keep stoking the motivational fire that is usually blazing under my butt.
Don’t worry about me setting down the paddle for too long though… Facebook will constantly remind me that I’m surrounded by human doings. But I’m just going to be a human being for now. I’m bound to catch up with the rest of you later I’m sure, perhaps after the bend.
So I’ll just float. I’ll take a little time to actually enjoy the scenery of my life. It’s a beautiful day out there, after all and the water is warm.