If I was honest about your Tinder message…

… I don’t think I would be a very nice person.

Yes, I got back on Tinder for a hot second, not even to play my favorite Tinder game. I was technically on for about two months but only remembered to check it three times in that time. It was primarily for an ego boost (hey, we all want to feel pretty sometimes) but also a little bit, deep down inside because I’m fundamentally optimistic and thought “hey, it could be different this time.”

It was not. 

– – – – –

Look, I know messaging people is hard. The magical wording to break the ice in an interesting yet not creepy way is as illusive as the cure for the common cold. (And probably worth as much money, as sad as that statement is.) As my friend C says, “Don’t be creepy.” This shouldn’t be that hard, right? We’ve already both said yes to each other and as long as my glass of wine hasn’t worn off and you aren’t a weirdo, you probably have a solid chance I’ll at least say hi back.

Or not. Most messages I won’t reply to. Not because I’m a jerk-face, not because they are overwhelmingly creepy, but because I really don’t believe I will find true love online. I believe in it for others, I just don’t think I translate or judge well online. And endless messaging back and forth with someone I haven’t met is exhausting.

But seriously, these messages don’t make me want to become a believer, either. They are all sorts of wrong, in the most little, simple, nit-picky ways. “Girls are impossible!” I hear you cry in the background. And this may be true. But I strongly believe I am not the only female with these same experiences and subsequent reactions.

– – – – –

Please see the below examples, for your consideration.

*Identifiable elements removed for karma’s sake.

The Expected:


– – – – –

The Less is More:


– – – – –

The More is More:


– – – – –

The Dead End:


And even when I do respond for my own entertainment, I quickly come to regret it.

– – – – –

The Read Between The Lines:


(I brought that upon myself.)

Then every once in a while, a conversation occurs that restores your faith in humanity. And by restores, I mean crushes entirely but makes you laugh none-the-less. Especially if you have strong feels about grammar, as I do.

– – – – –

The Grammatical Catastrophe:


Hahahahhahahahahhahaha no.

M out.


2 thoughts on “If I was honest about your Tinder message…

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