Throwing Back all the Fish.

So I got back into online dating about a month ago in a moment of optimism / weakness, and perchance after a glass of wine or three. To mix it up, I decide to give Plenty of Fish a chance, a new website for me. I was on there for a grand total of one day until I remembered that I, in fact, loathe online dating.

I haven’t been back on my profile since that first day, yet I still get messages. (And yes, this website shows I haven’t been active for over a month.) Mostly because I don’t want to meet people with profile names like “Liontamer31”.

Sidenote: When you set up an online dating profile, don’t you think about the fact that your user name will paint a very particular picture about you? How about you not try to be clever or witty or sexy or disgusting? Unless, I guess, you actually are a totally disgusting person, in which case thanks for the warning.

I will give you just the smallest sampling of what, errrr who has been messaging a totally non-responsive me for the last month. These names fall into five categories:

– – – – – – – – – –


ie: NiceBudSmoker, MrBodyBuild, Demandenver, SofaKingCool11

– Sorry. You may be lovely but from surface judgement we would not click.

– – – – – – – – – –


ie: ThrillHouse2012, HeyIts2012, Sharkn4do, YoloFox

– You have been on this dating website for at least two years. And you clearly haven’t updated anything since. I am assuming you aren’t one for long term life goals.

– – – – – – – – – –


ie: RockinWarrior, TooBeaucoup, OneAmazingPerson, GHDguy4U

– This user name makes me assume you think very highly of yourself and are going to be high maintenance. Not interested.

– – – – – – – – – –

4. THE “EWWW, NO”  

ie: FastLips, LezPlay, MrWanka, SensualSensation1

– Gross. Go get on Tinder.

– – – – – – – – – –

And my favorite…

5. THE “WHAT?!?!?  

ie: MrTelepathic, WyomingBiscuit, SmackYourself, SunnyThunderheart

– I don’t have any idea what you are trying to say. I’m going to say it’s a pass for me.

– – – – – – – – – –


I’m not interested in any of these fish.

Here’s hoping I can find a fantastic romantic relationship with someone offline. Fingers crossed.

Because, online dating? No. Just no.



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