Situational Birth Control

Most the time, I think I would like to be a mother.

After all, enough of my friends have called me “mom” either while they were intoxicated or while I tried to press sunscreen onto them during park days. It just seems like one of those things that will happen someday, and that I would be good at and enjoy.

However, there are certain situations that make me take a moment and wonder if I really want to strap myself to a tiny ball of screaming independent thought for the rest of my life. My co-worker calls these “instant birth control” when she is regaling us with stories of her children being generally crazy and unmanageable.

These are what I like to call Situational Birth Control, or times, places, situations that make me NOT want kids. Not at all.

Via: one-step-ahead-parenting .com
Via: one-step-ahead-parenting .com

Target on a Weekend

Be it the check out line or the dressing room, packs of cranky children seem to grab at things, fight with each other, cause a ruckus and generally whine.


The Zoo

I have gone on a little zoo going binge lately, reconnecting with my childhood love of wild animals, giraffes in particular. I actually owe you all a post of the awesomeness of giraffes. However, the zoo also draws children. Loud, annoying children. Ugh.

(Also, the zoo is clearly not just for kids as they serve beer there. Yep.)

puffpieces com au

Street Fairs and Festivals

Look, I just want to wander around, look at cute handcrafted jewelry, maybe buy an overpriced flavored ice, and generally enjoy a beautiful day outside. I don’t want to be dodging children who appear to have ditched their parental units and exist only to run into me.

(Seriously, am I a magnet? Why do none of you see me before you crash into me? Do I secretly smell of cookies?)


The Symphony

Okay, it was a special event. (Star Wars music done by the symphony… pretty darn neat.) And I understand that the symphony is trying to stay hip and attract a broader audience. But what I don’t want, need, or expect at the symphony is a bored, figity child seated in front of me.

You know who wins in that? No one.

Not the parent who is trying to scold the child. Not the child who is too young to appreciate the artistry of live music. And certainly not everyone around you who just wanted to hear a symphonic version of a wonderful, nerdy movie.



Yes, I went there last October and had an AMAZING time. The packs of children running amok was not one of the highlights… more just one of the obstacles to overcome so I could ride Splash Mountain repeatedly.


Sometimes random children make me feel like pulling my hair out. I sometimes think if I go all possum and don’t move, they will all go away. Afterall, it is bees and children that can smell fear, right?

I like being an adult.

I enjoy culture and activities that don’t involve singing animals (or whatever the kids are into these days… Dora is totally passe, right?) And I like my freedom, it’s true.

Do I still want to have children someday? Yeah, I do.

I still think I would make a pretty decent mom and enjoy all the wonderful fulfillment and joy that children bring, blah blah blah.

But sometimes, certain situations make me pause, and at least appreciate the lovely, quiet, childless existence I currently have. It’s just so fantastically peaceful. 


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