The funny thing is, I try to be a good person. A nice person.
And I still think at heart I am.
However sometimes I am a terrible person. I think and do horrible, inconsiderate, and just plain jerk-face-y things.
(Jerk-Face is my favorite insult. Try it out. It’s pretty satisfying and no swear words required!)
So happy Friday, and here’s a list of ways in which I’m a terrible person.
Also, I had no transition there. No segway planned at all. Maybe the first item should be that sometimes I write posts and get really lazy about transitions and flow of story line and readability. Oh well.
(Ranked vaguely according to terribleness)
- I totally use Q-Tips in my ears even though I know it is bad for you.
- When on the freeway, if I see a car trying to sneak up one or two extra spots instead of just merging (you know the guy I’m talking about), I will absolutely take up both lanes and make sure they can’t get in front of me.
- Sometimes I knowingly leave lights on in my apartment when heading out for the day.
- I dislike tourists. They really annoy me. Even when being a tourist myself, I look down on the others.
- When I’m feeling anti-social, sometimes I lie about fake plans, just so I can do my own thing without people giving me a hard time about it.
- If I see photos of a new guy that a friend is dating and I think he is superficially more attractive than the guy I am dating, I get a little envious.
- I high-step when stuck behind slow-walking people if I can’t get around them. Secretly I hope they turn and look and realize they are slow and move out of my way.
- One time I saw a guy take a really bad fall on the sidewalk and didn’t go to see if he was okay. Someone else did. I just ignored him and kept walking.
- I take forever to respond to emails, phone calls and texts. I get really annoyed if people don’t return mine immediately.
- I buy clothes from stores that might use child labor. I just don’t look into it. I suppose ignorance is bliss.
- I didn’t get a wedding gift for one of my best friend’s weddings. I actually had plans to get one but now so much time has passed that it seems weird and way too late.
- I let guys pay on a first date. And second, and third. Unless I want to insta-friend-zone them. Then I offer to split it. Usually. Unless I’m feeling particularly broke.
- I forget birthdays of people I care about. All the time. Even with Facebook to remind me.
- I’ve criticized people based on the type of car they drive. Or the music they like. Or purely by their looks. And made snap judgments about the kind of person that they are.
This post is sort of my own personal Whisper website, except for that whole anonymity thing. Now you will all know terrible things I do. Though I guess from reading a bit on that website I certainly could do MORE terrible things. If you haven’t checked it out, it is rather interesting.
And at least I still have my charm and personality!