M vs the Feels

You know how I feel about all the feels“, I am known to declare on a pretty regular basis.

I am not a fan. Not a fan of Feels, whatsoever.

Now, there are many feels I am totally cool with, of course.  Pretty much anything regarding my friends and family. Those feels I will happily feel all day long.

It’s only those pesky romantic-based Feels that give me indigestion.

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For the record, I don’t mean something as serious as love when I refer to Feels.

Feels, to me, are when you are truly In-Like with someone. You have passed the early honeymoon “everything is roses” phase and start to be all of yourself around them. You open up, honestly, to the point that you feel exposed. (I will take this moment to psychoanalyze myself to say that quite clearly it’s the lack of control and feeling of vulnerability that I have close to an allergic reaction to.)

As a response, I’ve become proficient at erecting emergency reinforced walls around my heart at the first warning shot of feels. Actually I was always good at that, and to be frank, there are very few people who have been able to catapult themselves past these in my life. This “my heart is a fortress” metaphor is getting a wee bit out of control. My apologies.

I am not passive on this… no ostrich or possum maneuvers for me. Go-Go-Gadget-Defense-Mechanism! I actively shove away those Feels. I battle them like a cornered bear. I might not be the strongest fighter on the planet, but darn it if I am not wiggly as all get-out.

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It’s because Feels make me claustrophobic; walls and ceiling and floor all pressing in upon me.

Those darn Feels manifest as chains somewhere in the commitment-phobic part of my brain. I feel constricted. I feel repressed. I feel nauseated. I might puke in my mouth just a little bit.

I’m like Miley“, I cry in defiance. “I can’t be tamed!

My knee-jerk reaction is to Heisman all those feels away… just stiff-arm the crap out of them.

And in the infamous words of Monty Python re: the Killer Bunny, “RUN AWAY!

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Here are a couple things about Feels…

  • Feels aren’t logical.
  • Feels don’t make sense. (I may be Type B, but I still like logic.) 
  • Feels are about feeling, not thinking. Duh.
  • Feels aren’t an active decision… they are a passive and seemingly uncontrollable thing.
  • Feels sneak up on you like a ninja kitten and pounce unexpectedly.
  • Feels can happen in a day or very, very gradually. They are wily and they are unpredictable.
  • Feels tend to arrive at inopportune times.
  • Feels can show up when you don’t want them or aren’t looking.
  • Feels apply to people who aren’t good on paper, but are good for your heart.
  • Feel just are and just happen.
  • Feels don’t give you a choice.
  • Feels, like Honey Badger, don’t care… not about any of the above.
  • Feels tell your logical brain to shut it and allow yourself to feel, dammit!

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To be honest, I am having trouble fighting the feels. I feel (ha) it is a losing battle.

And everyone keeps telling me to give Feels a chance. It’s overwhelming. It’s scary. And it’s not a comfortable place for me to be.

But I am going to try. Really try. If nothing else, as fodder for this blog.

We always do the terrifying things for the stories, right?

(And I am including the below song because it is cheesy and ridiculous and cracks me up. And I got a tiny bit serious on ya’ll for a minute or two there.  Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face as well.)





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