A Pain in My Chest

I was just enjoying your typical, run of the mill Spring cold, (it is spring right? almost?!?) with a nice little side of sort throat and coughing this past week when something new decided to throw itself into the mix.


After a particularly violent coughing attack in the middle of the night, which not even my go-to soothe away sore throat remedy of a lemon drop would fix, (the candy, not the shot) I curled back up in a sad ball of tired sadness and noticed something new. A new sensation. A new ache. A new pain. It was in the middle of my chest and ribs, nestled in the center of my shelf, right where I think my heart is located.

(Don’t question my terrible knowledge of anatomy… I don’t really know how bodies work, you guys.)

My ribs and my chest (and my heart?) HURT.

Breathing hurt. Swallowing hurt. Siting and laying and standing hurt.

Coughing was a fun, new and previously unimaginable world of hurt.

Via: grizzlybomb.com
I am not, and never will be, as tough as Khal Drogo. Via: grizzlybomb.com

Several thoughts quickly crossed my mind…

1. Why am I awake at 3 am? I am sleepy and want to go back to there. Sleeping-town is where I want to beeeeeee…

2. Wait, is my chest supposed to hurt? Is this normal in a common cold?

3. This is a pretty bad cold. Like really bad. I hate being sick. I would like to stop now.

4. There are really strange sounds that happen in the world at 3 am. Was that sound a raccoon? A marmot? A kitten?

5. Do I have Pneumonia? Bronchitis? The Black Lung?

6. Maybe I am having a heart attack. But like a really slowly onset one. Probably okay to go back to sleep, I think. Right?

7. Perhaps my heart has literally atrophied from disuse and much like the Grinch is now three sizes too small and this is just the residual aftermath of my rib-cage adjusting to so much empty, unused real estate. Going back to sleep is def okay.

Ah, the logic-train of a NyQuil-laced-brain at 3 am.

But don’t worry guys… this isn’t a story about how I was moonlighting as a coal miner and would now have to quote Zoolander for the rest of my life. (cough cough) This is a story about how the body is a fragile and intricate flower and that you never stop growing or something else that sounds meaningful and like a tagline to an after-school special.

Just fill in the blank for me, will ya? I am recovering from a pretty severe pain in my chest, guys.


I had dislocated several ribs on the front (ie: where your ribs meet your breastbone). FUN!

Turns out this is, in fact, a fairly normal occurrence with very violent coughing streaks.The nurse, and subsequent chiropractor I had to go see, very quickly diagnosed this situation, called it out as common-place, and after several painful and almost sleepless nights waiting for an appointment, it was a 10 minute fix in the chiropractor’s chair.

Suddenly I could breathe deeply again! I no longer hunched over like an old man! The pain was gone! Even my voice sounded almost back to normal, not like a chain-smoker attempting to sound breathy / sexy. (My personal descriptor of my previous not-so-dulcet tones.) I would say that 3/4 of my cold was suddenly, magically alleviated.

And it was all because of some slightly misplaced ribs. Such a little thing, to cause so much pain.

Not my x-ray. Not really sure what we are looking at here, but you get the idea. Via: radiopaedia.org
Not my x-ray. Not really sure what we are looking at here, but you get the idea, right? Via: radiopaedia.org


Somewhere in the middle of codeine-infused naps, I had a lot of time to think during my 5+ days being out of commission. And in the way of these things, especially in so days spent primarily alone, quite a few things crossed my mind regarding my heart.

It occurred to me, that in a time like this in particular, it would be nice to have a boyfriend.

1. Boyfriends can be helpful. It’s in their job description to take care of you when you are sad and miserable, right?

2. Boyfriends can bring you soup and ginger ale and ice cream. All things essential to getting over a cold, I am pretty positive.

3. Boyfriends are required to cuddle with you, even when you are all gross and ill but just want the comfort of another human being holding you and telling you it’ll be alright.

4. Boyfriends can cut you off when you have watched too many sad documentaries while sick (bad idea) and no longer know if your runny nose is from your cold or from your feelings trying to escape and feel all the feels.

5. Boyfriends are good at forcing you to go to the doctor when you are lazy and avoiding it. They can also drive you to said doctor so you are not trying to navigate downtown in your car with Siri yelling at you to make a legal u-turn when you really just want to be in bed, stat.

Now yes, I know that I am more than capable of doing all the above things on my own (and I did) or that good friends can also fill these roles (which they did). It’s not like I need a boyfriend or am helpless and dependent. If you know me well, you will know this to be true. I might actually be a bit too independent for my own good sometimes.

That is not the point.

The point is, after taking a good handful of months off the whole “actively dating” thing (ie: canceling all my online memberships), I think I might be ready to “get back out there.” (Though I loathe that phrase. Please never say that phrase to me.)

This might just be the DayQuil talking, of course. And I did kinda accidentally do some dating in early January, even though it didn’t pan out well. But still, I feel like I have been purposefully off the market and not really into the whole dating thing since October-ish.

And maybe it’s the sporadic day of 60+ degree weather in the midst of snowy weeks or the ability to breathe again without stifling pain, but it feels like a new day, blogosphere. It feels like a new chapter and like spring has sprung within my heart. Birds are chirping, bees are buzzing, rainbows are bowing (???), flowers are tentative stretching up through the frozen soil which has held them down for the last several months…

This plate is a bonus. It is about looking for love AND cheese. Via: laughingsquid.com
This plate is everything. It is about looking for love AND cheese. Via: laughingsquid.com

Maybe it’s time to get back in the dating-saddle. 

**Note: I fully reserve the right to revoke all this “new day” and “back to dating” crap once the codeine is fully out of my system.  I reserve the right to always be oblivious to attractive gents and ignorant of pick up lines. I reserve the right to go happily back to my cat-lady-without-a-cat phase and stay there for as long as I want.

Just wanted to get that on the record. This might be a cold medicine induced blip in my psyche.

Or it’s a desire to add some more fodder to my bad dating escapades repertoire. Afterall, it has been MUCH too long since I have had any good boy gossip for you, dear blog. I feel like I am failing in my social duty to go out there, date away, and bring back stories.

Maybe this pain in my chest was not dislocated ribs, but a cry for attention from my neglected heart?

Via: tvbanter.net
You know, just me and the Grinch. Via: tvbanter.net

Well, no. It was definitely my rib-cage being out of wack. And it was unpleasant.

But I might as well exercise my feelings a little bit while I am fixing things up, right?

We will just see what tomorrow brings, I suppose.

2 thoughts on “A Pain in My Chest

  1. Haha I love how interesting this was to read. I’m glad you’re not hurting anymore. And Zoolander….Oh my gosh. That was the most ridiculous movie I’ve ever watched. Right along side Napoleon Dynamite. Hahaha.

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