So there was this guy…
(I sometimes feel like too many of my stories start out this way, but then I am reminded that as a single person, it is my job to provide entertainment and education to my non-single friends through the calamities of the dating world. And then I don’t feel so bad.)
Anyways, there was this guy. Long story short, I had met him twice through a mutual friend in casual, big-group hangouts. I was intrigued by him and we seemed to have a good click.
The only problem? He was (according to intel) interested, but a bit shy. So it was gently suggested that if I was interested, why didn’t I just ask him out?
Wait, I can do that?
Hahaha, clearly you don’t know me well, mutual friend. I have never been gutsy enough to ask someone out.
20-something me would have just sat back and waited for another group hang out or two and for him to make a move. But I am now a 30-something. A bold, confident, willing-to-take-risks 30-something. (At least that’s what I keep telling people.)
So yesterday, I just went for it. I got his phone number from our mutual friend. And proceeded to go through the following 18 emotions and experiences.
And it was exhausting and exhilarating, terrifying and terrific, all within about 10 text messages. But it was an intense 10 text messages, guys. Really.
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The 18 Stages of Boldly Texting a Guy
STAGE 1. Compose the perfect, light, witty and adorable “Hey” text in the history of life.
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STAGE 2. Hit the send button. (Hey, it’s hard to do.)
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STAGE 3. Wait for a response.
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STAGE 4. Then he does… (so excited!)
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STAGE 5. Craft something additionally adorable back.
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STAGE 6. Text back and forth about light and fluffy subjects. Wonder why you were ever nervous at all. This is fun and easy!
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STAGE 7. Realize that there is an opportunity to be bold and make it clear that you are interested in him romantically, and recall that everyone has been telling you that you are unreadable and guys need obvious signs and maybe you should just ask him out.
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STAGE 8. Talk yourself into it. Think of how good it would feel! Think of how proud your friends would be! Be bold! Do it!
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STAGE 9. Do it. Hit send. And run away from your phone.
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STAGE 10. Spend the longest minutes of your life conspicuously NOT checking your phone.
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STAGE 11. And maybe freaking out just a tiny bit. Maybe that was too forward…
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STAGE 12. And double checking to make sure your phone didn’t die or you didn’t just somehow not notice a response back.
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STAGE 13. Start to turn into a self-doubting wreck. You have made a terrible mistake! You shall never be bold again!
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STAGE 14. Then you get a response.
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STAGE 15. And it is positive!
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STAGE 16. Happy-dance around your apartment like a crazy person.
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STAGE 17. Ten minutes later, text back a nonchalant confirmation, after your have calmed down sufficiently to utilize opposing digits.
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STAGE 18. Feel powerful and happy and relieved and exhausted… and hope that you never have to go through that experience again.
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Asking people out is TERRIFYING!
No matter if anything comes of this, I have gained some (much-needed) empathy for mankind.
30 IS THE NEW... Oh Never Mind. 
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