It has recently come to my attention that one of the biggest problems, the biggest annoyances to single people everywhere is their friend’s well intentioned, but unwanted, nearly CONSTANT desire to set them up with other singletons.
Wait, what? No one ever tries to set me up.
Seriously. Like ever.
Apparently trying to set up your single friends is like THEWORSTTHINGEVER and will always end poorly and ruin friendships and maybe destroy the universe, at least according to the internet.
I did not know this until today.
I was kinda set up once or twice… once led to two dates (though I didn’t know the first one WAS a date until I was on it) and ended in a friend-zone. The second time was the coveted casual group meet up with with no spark which was no big deal. Those are my only two kinda-experiences. Certainly nothing traumatizing.
For the record, I would never want to be set up for the sake of being set up. It’s not that I have some need or urgent desire to be set up. I am more concerned about the existence of this apparent single person pet-peeve and the fact that it has completely avoided me.
It is making me (a fundamentally selfish creature, and yes, it IS all about me) start to worry about what kind of vibe I am putting out there. Shouldn’t my friends WANT to set me up?
Should I be concerned about this lack of matchmaking by those closest to me?
- Am I just too difficult or picky?
- Has my joking reputation as a player turned into a perceived reality?
- Do all of my friends just keep me around for entertainment and deep down think I am some monster that they would never wish romantically upon their worst enemy?
(Okay, and I acknowledge that maybe they don’t know any single people, or don’t know anyone who would be “good enough” for me or some other ego-boosting potential answer…but that’s really not the point of my concern. It’s the principal of the matter, guys.)
When I asked a coworker today, she told me that she in fact had thought of setting me up but had a bad experience with matchmaking in the past. (I need to hear some of these HORRIBLE matchmaking experiences sometime… I mean really, what could happen to so terribly scar so many people? Maybe I have been lucky not to be set-up?)
She also mentioned that this lack of outside romantic assistance might come from the fact that I am very independent and don’t seem like I need help.
True, I am independent and fill up my days with things I love. I am content in the life I am currently making for me. I am not missing half of me. I am not waiting for someone to complete me. I am not putting my life on pause until I have someone to spend it with.
Is this is a bad thing?
Just because I don’t NEED somebody, doesn’t mean I don’t WANT someone.
I think pretty much everyone wants. I think everyone is hoping to find that special someone to share things with. I don’t think this is a sappy and unrealistic thought.
If someone I knew was all like, “hey I know a cool guy who is single and straight and I think you guys might dig each other and I will help you meet in a casual, non-pressured group setting with no expectations on any front”, then I would be totally into that. Just FYI.
I remember having a conversation with a guy that I approached at a bar. He mentioned that he was surprised when I came up to him because I don’t look single. When I asked him what that meant, he said I simply seemed confident and content… that I didn’t give off a “need to be approached” vibe. Which apparently somehow translates into not seeming available.
(Or was just a very, very diplomatic way to say I am off-putting.)
Maybe that is what this all comes down to. I want, but do not need.
Since when is that a failing trait?
(As a bonus… a Fiddler on the Roof sing-a-long, just for you! This is just a catchy song, if slightly melodramatic. Admit it… you are going to be singing it now.)