There’s nothing like recovering from a stomach bug to get the ole’ imagination going. I can not tell you how many times in the last several pretty-out-of-it days I have pseudo-imagined strange noises in my house. Seems that illness plus my already overactive imagination gets my brain dreaming strong.
In light of that, the natural thing to do of course is share some other completely irrational fears on the vaguely public forum that is the internet. So here we go… my top three random concerns/fears that really are quite silly.
Okay, so this one isn’t very original, but hear me out. A couple things about this particular fear make it, well, particular. First of all, I did not used to be scared of them. As a little kid, I had absolutely no problem with spiders. This fear developed sometime in elementary school and I have no idea where it came from and when exactly it started. (Ah, irrational fears… always the most fun to explain)
And secondly? I think spiders are absolutely amazing, brilliant creatures. They are beautiful (if creepy) and I think the webs they create are incredible, and I adored Charlotte’s Web as a kid and still do. (Great great book) I realize how important spiders are to our ecosystem and without them we would pretty much be overtaken by other bugs, and that makes them awfully neat. I also absolutely don’t want them killed. Like, ever. Seriously. I just don’t want them anywhere near/on me or inside a building. I want them happily out in their own outdoor homes, doing their spidery things, far far away from me. Totally rational, right?
2. Walking into the wrong gender’s public restroom
Somehow, in my mind, one of the biggest public faux pas I could commit is accidentally walking into the men’s room. This concern is always heightened anytime someplace tries to do something cutesy with the font or naming of the facilities… I will be honest, its hard for me to distinguish who you are aiming towards with “Wimmin”, “Outboard”, “Rustler”, or “Hops”. (Actual RR labels I found) Almost every time before I enter a public restroom, I do a triple check to make sure I have indeed found the “W” and am not about to be really, really awkward. Even when the labeling is straight forward, I usually proceed with caution. Just in case.
First off, no one should not have to think this hard when picking a restroom. Seriously public places, stop trying to be amusing and just make it easy and clear. Second, I am pretty sure that I would notice urinals right away (something I actually do look for) and would know I was in the wrong and could make a hasty retreat. Third, while it might be momentarily uncomfortable for all involved, I am sure it would make a very funny story in the long run. And the best part? I have never, ever walked into the wrong restroom in my life. This fear isn’t even based in any sort of traumatic experience… It’s just one of those things random things I fear.
3. Straight Razor Shaves
(Couldn’t even look up pictures for this one… that’s how much it freaks me out)
Obviously, not getting one. I am a chick… I don’t grow a beard so this one isn’t an experiential fear. But, it is one of those things that I straight up CANNOT stand to see. Maybe it started growing up watching old westerns with my dad; there is something about seeing that straight razor run over a man’s neck that absolutely freaks me out, even when I already know nothing bad happens. That doesn’t matter, I just can’t abide the tension, stress and nerves that action for some reason evokes in me. It seems like with one nick, one oops, one ill-placed pimple, that the blade could catch and slip and cut a man’s throat. Honestly, I am having a bit of a hard time even writing about it right now.
A couple years ago, Johnny Depp, a long time favorite actor of mine, had a new movie coming out. Which was quite literally about my very random, very irrational fear. All I know about the movie Sweeney Todd is that it is an barber who kills his customers with his razor. While they are getting shaved. It’s like someone tapped into my most irrational of fears and manifested it in the most tempting, Tim Burton sort of way. But I can’t do it. I can’t watch it. Even with Tim Burton bringing it to life, this is one vision I do not want in my eyeballs.
And don’t even talk to me about real life straight-razor shaving. If I can’t open my eyes in the Hollywood version, even when I know nothing bad happens? Forget live action. Absolutely not.
So that is it… three of my most random, irrational fears in life. There is something cathartic about putting them into type and then out into the internet ether. While they may be silly to you all, they are real for me. But they are also something I can admit to with a slight look of chagrin on my face. We all have goofy fears and over-active imaginations from time to time. Just part of what makes us all beautiful and unique and kinda silly snowflakes.